Back to school

So, a little while back, I realized that my life had plateaued somewhat, and it was time to go do some stuff that I probably put off for far too long. In this case, that means school. College. Higher learnin. Trading in the blue collar for the white one.

Not that I mind being blue collar, mind you. I just want a job that's physically easier, where I make more money. I've also found that while driving a tractor trailer is, without a doubt, skilled labor, that once you get to the point where you can do it, and do it well, that's pretty much it. And I'm finding I simply need more mental stimulation.

So I've enrolled at DeVry University, in East Brunswick, NJ. It used to be one of those schools that I kind of looked down on...I didn't realize it was fully accredited, that it had real professors, etc. A friend of mine went to Cittone, and he said that it was really dodgy, that they had a very high level of turnover with their instructors, and he thought they all seemed to be just professionals who are in between real jobs. But I did some research, spoke to some IT recruiters, and found out that DeVry has a solid reputation, at which point I paid the school a visit, and liked what I saw. So I've enrolled. And now I'm a bona fide college student! Of course, being a fully accredited uni, I have to take humanities, literature, tons of math classes...stuff that I really, really don't want to take. What the fuck do I need with a poetry class? I know, I know. I'll be more well rounded. Im the fat guy, remember? I'm more than round enough.

The enrollment process was interesting...I haven't been to school in a long time, I had no valid credits to transfer, and so I had to take an entrance exam, which was broken down into four parts - reading comprehension, math (decimals and fractions), algebra, and a written essay. Except for algebra (hadn't studied any of that in about 24 years), I did really well...to the point where I started wondering if I was going to a school for dumb bunnies. I did get to speak with some professors, though, and they seemed as sharp as you would expect college professors to be, so that allayed my fears.

Hey, you people have to start telling me what I can get student discounts on. Seriously. I need to know this stuff. My friend Leon told me I can get discounts on Apple and Microsuck, my girl told me I can get discounts on Broadway plays (great, sign me up)...what about important things? Like Devils tickets?

Hey, I'm a college student! Fuck you! :-D

Went for a ride.

Beautiful day for it, and we've had several in a row now. Somehow I've managed not to go for too many rides, but today I did. Not very far, not for very long...I started lifting at the gym yesterday, doing Joe Friels workout, and I didn't want to do a terribly long ride the first day after starting a new workout. Makes sense, right? Anyways, nice, easy ride, with the highlight being a 1/2 mile long, perfectly straight descent, down a 12% grade. I can usually hit around 45 mph, when motivated. The only problem is...there is an entrance/exit to a fairly busy highway about 3/4 of the way down, so you really have to be extra vigilent, or get squished. And predictably, wrecking the fun of going really fast, some dickhead was sitting on the side of the road, with his left hand blinker on, as though he were going to pull back out onto the road. He didn't, but I had to touch the brakes a couple times, and not pedal, to make sure I had the ability to get out of the way if he made his stupid move.

Waah, I could only do 37.5 mph, instead of 45. Waah.

Outside of that, it was nice. Even saw a couple other roadies, which is quite unusual in Sayreville...one on a Specialized, one on a Bianchi. Good to see other people out.

Anyways, that's all I got. I know it's not much...but I wanted to put something up, so that the ultra depressing post about Billy (RIP) wasn't the first thing you see upon coming to this blog...people were sending me email, making sure I wasn't going to kill myself. Sweet, but unnecessary. Thanks anyways, folks...

RIP Bill McLaughlin

I just found out today that my friend is dead.

I am devastated...I can't believe it.

I don't think it's any worse to him at this point, but to me, finding out he killed himself...cut through me in a way I'm not even going to attempt to put into metaphor.

My friend was in pain, and now he's dead.

We had lost touch...probably haven't spoken in two, maybe three years. He got transferred from the place that I used to pass on Rt 17, in Hasbrook Heights, to a place in Passaic that's off the beaten path, for me, so I didn't have the chance to drop in on him in a while. I had a cell phone die an ugly death in the washing machine, so I had lost his phone number...but I always said, no problem...I can get the number for the new place anytime. And I will...I'll call him one of these days, we'll catch up on old times, it'll be great. So today, just by chance, I passed the place that he got transferred to...I passed it before I really realized it, and decided to give a call, rather than stop in. Looked it up on the iPhone, called...

...and found out my friend was in pain...

...and now he's dead.

It's narcissistic to think that I could have made a difference, maybe...but I still can't help but think...I could have helped...if only I'd picked up the phone the day before he'd had enough.

Right now, I hate myself more with every breath I take.

I've done my fair share of fucking things up in my life...I've wrecked relationships, said stupid things to people I care about, lost good gigs, and jobs, and through it all, through the disappointment of doing damage to my own life, I've been able to remain upbeat, even happy. When I've done some good, even happier...but that's beside the point. When things are going wrong, I've always had the ability to let it roll off my back...I get depressed, just like anybody, but it passes reasonably quickly, and I find something to laugh at.

I am not one tenth the person Billy was. He was in the top five of the best human beings I've met in my life. He was relentless about being a good person, even when being just a little loose with it would have benefited him. And yet, in the end, it seems that he didn't have that ability to let it go the way I do...and I can't think of a greater injustice. The world was better off with him in it...and would be better off if I was able to trade myself for Billy...and give him what I have.

I'd do it in a second. In a fucking heartbeat.

Rest in peace, Billy. I thought of you as a brother that I would always meet up with again...I'm better off for having known you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there to help.